This morning as we were brushing teeth in a monumental effort to make it to school on time after having been more out of school than in school for the last 3 weeks due to illness and snow and more illness, the FrogMonkey says:
“I think maybe we will play Star Wars at school today. An’ if Marley wants to play wif us she can be Queen Amidalla or Princess Leia.”
I chime in with, “Well, what if she want to be a Storm Trooper?”
“She’s a girl and I don’t think Storm Troopers are girls.”
Instantly my alarm bells went off, teeth gritted, fists clenched.
Yeah, I remember being told “you can play Princess Leia – cuz she’s a girl or Chewbacca – cuz he doesn’t talk.” I remember being told “I will not buy you a hotwheels, don’t you want this nice baby doll?” and “You don’t want to be a stockbroker (like your dad) when you grow up, you want to be a mommy and a teacher (like your mom) when you grow up.”
Recently a friend posted this question on Facebook:
“I have a question for the collective.
“I was talking with a friend today about childhood career-dreams … about what we imagined we’d do when we grew up, and why we didn’t do it, if we didn’t. So — when you were a kid, what did you want to grow up to do? Did you do it?”
My answer ran through a variety of careers and the reasons I let myself be talked out of them: stockbroker (see above), architect (too much math), jockey (too tall), archaeologist (party too much). Well the one thing I wanted to be when I grew up more than anything else?
A boy.
So people would stop telling me I couldn’t because I was a girl.
So back to the conversation with my 4 year old.
“Honey, Storm Troopers wear masks. How do you know they aren’t girls?”
Shrug.
“Please don’t ever tell a girl she can’t be something because she is a girl. It can crush her spirit. She can be whatever she wants to be wether it be Queen Amidalla or Darth Vader so long as the choice is hers and not what someone tells her. The same goes for you. If you want to be Queen Amidalla or Princess Leia you can.”
“I want to be a boy character.”
“That is ok sweetie, as long as it is your choice. If your friends tell you that you have to be a boy character or Marley has to be a girl character – you go ahead and let them know they need to exercise their imaginations more. You can be whatever you want.”
“My friends tell me I can’t play Star Wars with pretend Star Wars stuff. I have to have the real Star Wars stuff. Not Rory, but the other kids.” (The FrogMonkey can turn any bit of household detritus into a ship, blaster or droid. He has a fabulous imagination.)
“The man who made up the Star Wars universe created the whole thing out of his head from nothing. He didn’t worry about what was real or possible. He imagined the whole thing and he expected other people to imagine more things into his universe. Don’t ever let your friends tell you otherwise.”
“Mom?”
“Yeah?”
“I love you.”
Right back at you, FrogMonkey.
